Thoughts on an interfaith marriage..

Posted on June 25, 2011
Filed Under Religion | 5 Comments

Oh yea, time really flies. Some heavy travel of late. Well…tired of asking pardon, by now my lovely readers should be so used with my unpunctual blogging. Lot of interesting things have transpired last two months. The 2G scam, Lokpal Bill, Baba Ramdev fast, anti-Posco protests and much more. But the most significant of them all for me is my big brother’s wedding. Well, I am still to come out of that bro-bro aura even as he marries the girl of his dream, or wait..umm..dream?..oh yea, sort of!

This was really one big fat Indian wedding. And it had all the masala you get to see in a Bollywood flick. Pain, Comedy, Tears, Joy and what not. The girl is from a Hindu background while the boy is from a traditional Christian family which proudly traces its roots to St Thomas who first landed the shores of Kerala. Well if you asked me my stand on interfaith marriage, you would probably hear a big NO! Is it because interfaith marriages are still considered a stigma in Indian society? Not really, its just because I see many interfaith marriages going down the drain after the initial rapturous devotedness. I have always recommended friends against it, cuz sometime later regret creeps in for all the misadventures….not always though.

Anyways, who knew I would have to witness a cross religion marriage within my family. My brother wedded his heartthrob at a unique ceremony that you could say was embroiled in some sort of “holy” mess. It was after a lot of convincing that the family agreed for their union. Unlike the UK, US or even China, such marriages in India are often regular although is considered a taboo.

Well, you cant talk religion to two lovers who are so filled with ecstasy. They could turn you into an atheist by their philosophical questions. “Isnt God love? Why should religion come in between? Marriage is sacred. We are first humans and then Christian/Hindu. Life is to live.” The list goes on. I now understand the saying love is blind better. I am really not as philosophical as my brother, kinda fall in the ‘dumbers’ category. That is why may be I had questions like. Will we have a church wedding or a mixed wedding? Who will bless the marriage? What will they call their son…wait this is gender discrimination! so lets visualise a female..what will they call their daughter? Mary or Seetha? or may be even something neutral like Janet or Sweety could do? To which God will they pray during the family prayer (this is a must for most families in/from Kerala)? Officially what religion will the child be associated with? and a lot of other questions.

When elders of family intervene and warn against such unions, our youngsters hardly care. And you have these modern love gurus who write columns saying understanding and compatibility is all you need, encouraging families to consider interfaith marriages. I dont really buy these talks as I dont see how a “marriage made in heaven” as often written on wedding cards can be successful without considering faith paramount for marital bliss. The least these love gurus could do is create websites and forums encouraging interfaith marriage, but would be great if they drop their personal emails on the forums so couples could reach them when life hits the hard rock!

Without question…when persons of two religions decide to get married, they open a Pandora’s box. Forget the loss of reputation, cultural differences and societal norms that families often think during such unions. But what about the differences in faith, ideals and practices. It is not a minor hump to ignore. Faith is a significant component for a long-lasting union. As the old adage goes “the family who prays together stays together”.

I have been myself a witness to many interfaith marriages which after the initial outpour of passion start to experience confusion and pain. Not only do they deviate from God, their children also have no faith or religion to follow. Please dont listen to those shackle-the-chains-of-religion talks. These inspirational gurus never have married out of their religion, serious, check if you want. All couples go through the rough road…a lonely road…when nobody seems to be around. That is where the role of God and one’s faith come to work.

In fact experience has shown that interreligious marriages fail at more than three times the rate of marriages where couples share the same faith. But not always that can be the case…sometimes there has been compromises, conversions and a good ending. My bro’s case made me realise the pain and depression families across India face when a couple decide love is all they need and nothing else matters. Well time can only say what matters and what doesnt.

Ok enough, my lovely bro must be reading this..poor chap..lets give him a break. Interestingly, one pastor was quoting 2 Corinthians 6:14 to warn my bro on his wedding. But excuse me…my bro anyways is not a church-going Christian, so should he really care for the verse? Uff..it took me a lot of time to digest their coming together, but then marriage is sacred yet beautiful. Let me for now just look at it as two souls coming together. I do believe love is the manifestation of God, but then the other way, even sometimes church-going Christians dont really follow the book, as for them love is always in the air and not in practice. So what do you expect the secular generation to follow?

Everything seems to have ended fine…the girl is happy, bro is ecstatic (obviously ;-) he got that dowry..or whatever you call it) and family seems to have overcome the discomfort. Well, I am not that a very less understanding person you see. When my brother broke the news of his marriage over phone, there were some initial admonitions from my side but after that I did support and speak on his behalf to my really tradionalist family. Dude you owe me! Cmon guys, after all he is my brother, could I have ignored his happiness. What if the lack of support from family turns him into a Greek thinker with big beard..I will have to then look for him in the Himalayan mountains where he has gone in search of peace and tranquillity. Really, you could go any extent to see your dear ones’ happiness. Yea bro, in joy and in sorrow, in sickness and in health, your sweetheart will be there, but a mile ahead or wait..a mile behind..I might be there (don’t forget the bribe)..just to give you those harsh warnings and those sweet fixes. For now my advice for your successful marriage is: do the dishes, talk less and lose weight (source: spousonomics ;-) ). So guys, that’s the end of the story. What? Did I hear a question? The secret of a happy marriage? umm..well friends, like the comedian Henry Youngman would put it..the secret of a happy marriage remains a secret! :D

Adios ~

Comments

5 Responses to “Thoughts on an interfaith marriage..”

  1. Tech Specialist on June 25th, 2011 5:14 am

    I think marriage is not just physical union, but is spiritual as well. Man is not just a physical being but more so a spiritual. But in todays world it has turned the other way around(more on a physical side). Initiation of marriage should be more a spiritual aspect, like being able to communicate thoughts, emptying out for each other than receiving and love should be the foundation. Hence they spirituality is very important aspect, even religion comes into play. Surely those who say love is blind and all those stuff and marry. Seriously ask them to deny religion they are following, they will surely not do that, they don’t want to leave their God, whom they only consider as some sort of support if all other fails but not because they revere God. They just want to keep God but also fulfill their fantasies. And later husband and wife after hurting their loved parents, they want to unite with them. But in doing so they spend whole life to please them to fulfill the other religious requirements and later try to keep pleasing them. But man has always been a selfish being, he just wants to receive blessing from everywhere and everyone. As long as one remains selfish, they are never satisfied.

    Here are two of my favourite quotes related to selfishness.

    “There are many things that we would throw away if we were not afraid that others might pick them up.”—> Oscar Wilde

    “All charming people, I fancy, are spoiled. It is the secret of their attraction.”–>Oscar Wilde

  2. Vicky on June 28th, 2011 3:28 pm

    Your brother turning into a Greek thinker lol I still cant stop laughing at that. I think you did a good thing supporting their marriage. Look at the suicids happening in Rajasthan and other states where families murder each other when girl elopes. Good luck to the couple!!!!!!!

  3. Jinu on June 30th, 2011 6:33 am

    Glad you are back! Interesting points on interfaith marriage. Many dont realise the hurt such marriages cause and the aftermath which can be very painful. But if two are so much in love, may be opposing is not a very good idea. Best is to do it for their happiness.

  4. Simran on July 27th, 2011 6:59 am

    Very interesting points Sam. I can understand how painful it must have been, but best is to leave to their choice. Give my best regards to the couple. And you did the right job supporting your brother!!!

  5. Amit on December 4th, 2011 8:14 pm

    Very diplomatically manipulated mentioned. True people over come all such religion barriers. I am not telling some book line but it is true. Till you wont believe God is one there will be success. Who cares which God the children will pray too, what will be their name ? These questions are not at all important. We humans make them an issue. What is in a name ? Why cant a kid be called Steven Joshi or Geeta Brooks. Indian society is not mature yet. They are stuck in old thoughts yet.

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